Tag: love

Why Is This Happening to Me? Surviving A Tower Moment

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There was a moment in my life where I didn’t question what was possible for myself and my life. I wanted something, did what was necessary to get it. I didn’t worry about how or when it was going to happen. I just knew that it was. It seemed like anything was within my reach, if I just reached out and grabbed it. But that’s not where I am now.

Now, it seems like I am living in a state of impossibility. I want something, I do what is necessary to get what I want, but now I’m trying to control when and how it’s going to happen. I have lost patience and find myself spiraling down a rabbit hole of fear, worry, and negativity. I ask myself, how did I get here? When did I start believing in impossibility instead of possibility?

Looking back, I realize it started the moment my life began to fall apart all at once. It was my “Tower” moment. I was at a high and now I was at a low, and I couldn’t believe all of this was happening to me. My brother was tragically murdered, I was let go from my job, and I was having problems in my marriage. This series of unfortunate events sent me down a dark path of depression.

This moment in my life left me wounded, insecure, and feeling like I had no control over my life. Despite making significant changes in my life to heal, I am still allowing the scars to control my life. I am still living in the shadow of my “Tower” moment.

So now, where do I go from here? I believe it’s about taking control of my life and not allowing the wounds of my past to control who I am to become. The second thing I must do is understand that I can’t do anything alone. I control what I can, but I must also allow the Universe and my spirit guides to do their perfect work. I realize living in possibility means believing in something far greater than myself. It is beyond what my human mind can comprehend. It is a knowing that everything is going to work out in divine time.

I have come to understand that there might be “Tower” moments that happen while living in a space between wanting something and receiving it. I’ve learning not to be consumed emotionally by these moments because they will take me down a dark path, prolonging what I really want. Instead, I’m utilizing my spiritual tools like prayer and meditation to keep me on an auspicious path.

This is the space I want to live and thrive. Though I understand it won’t be easy, I am determined to find my way. I am committed to rediscovering faith in the realm of possibilities.

Dream Lover

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I had this wonderful dream about you

It was about us being together

enjoying the moment

The now

Not thinking of the future

or

Focusing on what could be on should be

But what is

And in that moment

I accepted my present

Embraced my present

Laughed and smiled with my present

Cuddled with my present

I was totally in the moment with you

An Attitude of Gratitude

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I remember saying the same simple prayer as a child before I went to sleep, “ God I thank you for my mother, grandmother, little sister and brothers.  I thank you for the clothes on my back.  The food you put on the table and the roof over my head. Amen” 

As a little girl, I was grateful for my family, the gift of being alive, taken care of and loved by God. But somewhere along my path, life, food, shelter and love was not enough, I wanted more. I couldn’t appreciate what was in front of me because my attention was focused on what I lacked.

There is a quote I love by Deepak Chopra,  “The past is history, the future a mystery and this moment is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”  Every moment that I am alive and breathing is a blessing. Life is God’s gift. The present moment is God’s gift.

So I’ve decided to be grateful for the present moment because it is the “space” where I can appreciate God’s blessings.

Inspired by Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements, I decided to create my own agreements. It is my goal to be mindful of each agreement for thirty days so that they will become an unconscious habit.

First Agreement: The most important person in my life is the person I am talking to right now.  I will not judge, criticize or complain about what they are saying or doing.  I will send them loving energy and be grateful for just being in their presence. I will not think about the fifty million things I need to be doing. I will not check my email or social media. I will give that person my complete attention. 

Second Agreement: The most important thing that I am doing is right now.  I will not complain or wish that I were doing something other than what I am doing.  I will love, play and simply enjoy the moment.

Third Agreement: The most important action I can take in this moment is one of self-love.  I will love myself even when I make a mistake. I will focus on the positive. I will celebrate my accomplishments big or small. I will be grateful for being me.